My last post on "Blessings as a Curse.." found me pondering on my words, my convictions, my heart, my desires, God's heart, God's desires...
I am being convicted that, at times, I see the blessing of my precious boys, as a curse.
Ross and I were both sick yesterday. Ross headed to work, because he's just that kind of man :) and I called my Mom! :) Luke stayed with his Mimi all day long, David cooperated quite nicely, and I slept the day away when I could. That evening, Ross took the boys to a family cookout, and I continued to rest.
I missed Luke so much!
When they got home last night, all I wanted to do was talk to him, ask him questions, play with him (from the couch in a reclining position:) ), and just plain enjoy him. I relished being with him. I really did.
God began to prick my heart.
Why do I not ENJOY my blessing everyday? Why do I struggle with losing my temper with him? Why do I wish Mimi or Mammy would PLEASE come get him? Why do I live for nap time? All the while being irritated until those things come. Then who gets the attitude when the day is done? My sweet husband.
What a wasteful way to live as a mom and a wife. BUT....
I am FREE and FORGIVEN in Christ. I do not have to live this way!! I KNOW I cannot be a good Mom or wife on my own. I cannot love my children the way they need to be loved. I cannot serve and love Ross in the ways that he needs to be served and loved. I cannot wake up tomorrow morning and say, "OK, today I am going to try really hard not to loose my temper, and to enjoy Luke." I've tried it, and my sinfulness rears its ugly head at Luke's first meltdown. I have to deperately and humbly ask for patience, love, humility, etc...from Christ...constantly.
I am thankful for Christ's forgiveness. I am thankful for my husbands forgiveness. And I am thankful that I can excercise asking Luke's forgiveness now.
I need rest. I need time away. I LOVE IT!!! It is a BLESSING too! Fine, ok, TRUE, BUT what if it doesn't come? How will I respond? I am desperate for Christ.
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4 comments:
Wow, that is exactly what I needed today, Shannon. Thank you!!! I have been going crazy yesterday and today. Part of it is we are just getting back home but in less than 2 weeks we leave again for 2 other gigs. It's not an excuse, it is our the way God has laid out our lives now, but I feel exhausted and I like I just can't keep up sometimes. The kids are both going through their terrible two's together and the meltdowns are unbearable. Thank you for this reminder...
Shannon,
Your thoughtfulness and honesty are inspiring. As I am nearing the end of my 2nd pregnancy, I find myself swinging back and forth between REALLY cherishing all the time I have with Georgia, and REALLY wanting her to nap a little longer so I can rest/read/surf the web/etc. Thank you for the convicting words that the Lord has led you to speak.
By the way, we do not still live in the old 'hood'. We bought a house in March that is not far from the campus, and we love it--though at times we miss the community of FV:-)
How i feel that way too at times and I just have one! I actually told Adam last night that i was done and one was enough! But, of course, that was after such a rough day. Thanks for the encouragement, it is always good to hear that I am not the only one who has those thoughts!
i struggle with this sooooo much! i had my own little meltdown today when i was trying to get the kids out the door to run all these errands and then chuck called asking me if i could do one more thing (which was just dropping something off, but in my sinful mind i was thinking "i can't possibly do one more thing!") and lucas was crying and rachel was whining... UGH! but what was there to really be upset about? i have my beautiful family! it's so hard to be patient. it's nice to read when other moms have the same struggles i do. children are so convicting :)
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